In today’s society making friends, well good reliable friends, is not easy. Actually, it is one of the hardest things for people to do. More often than not you find people who are more interested in their own lives, and not somebody who genuinely cares about your well being.

Over the years I have made and lost many friends. Some friendships I have had my whole life, and others I have made along the way. But with all of the good friends you meet, you also meet ones who aren’t so great.

Something I have noticed lately is that people are not good at hiding the fact that they don’t care about your friendship. People who do not go out of their way to help you are not good friends. They also are never the one to initiate the plans, and most importantly, they do not listen and lend their shoulder when you need it.

I almost feel like people nowadays are every man or women for themselves. That everyone looks out for their own best interests, and not the best interests for the people in their life that they “care” about. That is the sole issue as to why I think it is hard to find a genuine and caring friend.

Living the life of a transgender woman and having to deal with the drama and shenanigans that come with it is not easy. Friends often come and go. Sometimes, its because you just grow apart, but most of the time its because one person wasn’t a very good friend to the other.

What doesn’t make sense to me is why it is so hard… Why aren’t people loyal and supportive anymore? Why is it so hard to be there for a person when they need you to be? Why is it so hard to put somebody you are supposed to love and care about before yourself? These are all questions that I ask myself as I continue to deal with the disappointment of people who my true friends aren’t.

For all of my good friends out there, I am extremely grateful for you. Grateful for the shoulder you have always lent me when I needed it, for always listening when I need to rant, and for always having the greatest time with me.

If you are in search of a good friend, make sure you are being one yourself. What does this entail exactly? Reach out to the people you care about. Make plans with them. Support them when they need it. Listen when they are talking. And most importantly enjoy their company.

And for all of those people out there with the not so good friends, get rid of them. There is no need for negativity in your life. You deserve a good, true, genuine friend. So please, don’t settle for anything less.

Friendship is a very important part of life. It is not always easy to find, but when you do find it, it is amazing. My mother always told me to treat others the way you wanted be treated, so follow her advice. Be the kind of friend that you want to have.

One comment

  1. I have a few really good friends. Friends who understand my limitations, but love me anyway. They call me now and then just to check-in because I rarely call them. I fear I may be interrupting someone’s busy life. I am more comfortable hiding out in my house. It’s not that I don’t love and care about my friends, it’s that my anxiety gets in the way. My other friends would be there for me if I needed them, but we are not as close. I don’t discuss my mental health issues with just anyone. My disability isn’t something you can see, therefore, it’s hard for people to understand. My best friend had cancer and was in M.D. Anderson in Houston for a month. I wanted to go visit her, but my anxiety wouldn’t allow it. She understood and loves me still. (I’m just so grateful she didn’t die I would never have forgiven myself.) I love my friends. All of my friends. It is my responsibility to open up to new friends, allowing them into my inner circle. But that isn’t going to happen until I feel “safe” with those people. It’s not that I am not a good friend, I’m just limited. As are some of my other “friends”.
    Having said that, there are some people who are not good friends. Last year I met a new neighbor who appeared to relate to everything I said. She seemed to hear everything I said, and we had so much in common. After a few months, her mask began to slip. I began to recognize her narcissism. My antennae went up and I removed my rose-colored glasses. The last time I spent any time with her at all, she was talking when I attempted to exchange ideas and she said, “No! I don’t need you to talk. Just listen to me.” From past experience, I knew exactly who she was. As Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time.” Don’t make excuses for them. Let them go.
    I have learned in my lifetime to protect myself. I learned that I don’t need everyone to like me. That was a hard lesson.
    We don’t need a lot of friends. We need good friends.


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